The Secrets We Keep - Bonnalise
by Lee Austen
Summary: Whether it's rewriting scenes between Bonnie and Annalise, or playing on scenes that should have happened, here is a collection that readers will enjoy! (I take recommendations! Review or PM with yours and I'll write them!)
1. Chapter 1

**This takes place after the Bonnie and Annalise scene in 4x10**

When Nate opened the door, he had hoped that their paths wouldn't cross directly and this personal for a long time to come. But apparently, bonding with someone required as much drain on his emotions. Something even a friend would underestimate.

"Hi," Bonnie's hands were empty as she offered an apologetic smile.

He was impressed. Not only in her arrival at his apartment, but also in the woman's appearance. It wasn't something that was becoming of her to give in to degradation like this. At least that is what he labelled it as. Because she was always decked out in her pants suits and familiar shirts at the DA's office, including heels to match.

This time though, Bonnie had slipped through an awful long sleeved grey sweater that hung way past her hips with black leggings. Her blonde hair was a total mess. He had to internally laugh whilst choking on the obvious statement blaring in his mind; that she really needed a brush. Even her shoes were terribly out of place. Grey sneakers.

"I guess that since a bottle of alcohol is missing," he smiled wryly, "this means not even getting wasted would solve anything."

"You were right," as he stepped aside, she slipped in, moving slowly as if the world was on her shoulders. "I'm back on the Annalise crack and guess what?" tears already brimmed in those eyes, "I'm never going to get off of it."

"Like I said before," Nate assessed her demeanor again and frowned, feeling her pain and understanding exactly how conflicting things could become, "it's not easy. And to be frank, it looks like you're having a harder time than me."

At first she did not offer up a reply. But merely moved to the chair and ran her fingers lightly over the back of it. Then as if giving up completely, Bonnie crumbled onto the piece.

Legs spread apart, she hung her head low and ran fingers through terribly disheveled blonde hair. "I saw her tonight."

Impressive.

He slowly sat on the one piece and stared. "And?"

"She came to apologize to me because Frank asked her to. But it was obvious that she was there for other reasons." Bonnie shrugged, pulling at her fingers and appearing uncomfortable. "She always needs me the most when there is something I have to do. And in this case, as much as she lied about it, her main reason for coming to me was for me to do that one big thing."

"What one big thing?" he was curious. Wouldn't hurt him to ask. Why the hell not?

But Bonnie merely smiled.

It was enough for him to sigh and accept the fact that no more information would be unearthed. She wasn't here to talk about that area.

"Okay, so what happened then?" Nate leaned forward, and laced his fingers together.

"Before we continue," Bonnie frowned, "are you still in love with her?" She considered him with those dark eyes as if intent was being searched for.

"Aren't we both?" he replied in a measured tone. His gaze was cool.

Twisting the ends of the sleeves on her sweater, her shoulders moved as she sunk back into the chair and appeared itchy about the question.

He didn't need to even explore the option any further. It was as clear as anything else. Conflict. And he had seen this before. Nate had one too many gay friends in the police department who used to struggle with their feelings. With their true self. Whilst pushing away all the doubts and terrible labels everyone else wanted to stick on them. He was well aware. And right in that moment, he could literally see Bonnie struggling with herself.

"Are you?" he tried again.

She groaned. "I don't know anymore. I…" she clamped her lips shut and glanced away as a tear slid down her cheek.

"First thing is, you need to know." He was being honest with her. But he needed to be. "Check yourself. Your actions for example. How you feel. And then answer me."

"It's not that simple."

"Then how is it that I already know the answer?" He offered a small smile, just to, at least display to her that the truth would never push him away.

"Then why ask me?" she shook her head and frowned.

"Because you need to accept the truth." He sat back. "That you're in love with Annalise. And it's not about you loving her as a friend. Or seeing her as a mother. It's about you wanting more than just that."

Bonnie's chest heaved as she gazed at him. Her eyelashes fluttered as she blinked slowly. "Connor thinks we slept with each other. You and me."

"This is not about what Connor thinks. That is irrelevant because none of that happened," Nate countered in a level tone. "Back to the topic, Bonnie. What else happened tonight?"

"Okay, I screwed up," she sat forward quickly and buried her face in her hands. "I really. Screwed up. But I had to because I can't cut her out of my life. I need her in it. I need to. See her. To be around her. And the only way I could have that is to lie."

This wasn't acceptable. "What did you tell Annalise?" he was concerned. Both for her and the woman who obviously had delivered mixed signals.

"I told her. That I am not in love with her," Bonnie whispered through her fingers. She barely peeked at him but then retreated to concealing herself behind a fragile shield; shaky hands. "Just so that I could still have all those things."

Nate couldn't believe it. But he understood how defense mechanisms worked. Where one party wanted to sacrifice anything, as painful as it would become, just to simply treasure the other person's presence.

"I get it that she responded in a negative way the night you opened up to her," he remembered from their last conversation. "And I'm not trying to be therapist here but a friend. But you can't tell someone something and then take back your words. It changes the game and it changes their perspective on you. How did she take it when you told her?"

"She didn't say anything," Bonnie wiped her face, wet with tears and sighed. "She just sat there and gave me this sad, and disappointed look. Because she's always disappointed me in."

"If she's always disappointed in you, then why did she keep you around for all these years?" he frowned. "Why did she go to your apartment tonight, even after you two fell out, just to have a conversation? That says a lot. Nobody tells Annalise what to do. She moves to her own tune and you know it. So that means, going to you was her decision, not Frank's. So it means that she cares."

She was silent for a while. He feared that nothing else would be said. Bonnie seemed to be the kind of woman who closed off when situations backed her into a corner. She could be really confrontational too. Something she mastered from Annalise's upbringing.

"We bonded so much tonight, that I am still really raw over it all. I can't believe we actually had that kind of conversation. She never really talks to me about personal things. But she revealed so much to me tonight that I was pulled in deeper and I was dying inside. And there was this one point where I wanted to tell her that maybe I could fall in love with her because of how perfectly flawed she is. Just like me. Maybe I could," Bonnie inhaled deeply and played with her fingers, eyes downcast, "go there."

"But then it would contradict another lie, and you've already lied once. She wouldn't like that." Nate saw such an easy solution through this but Bonnie was taking the hard way out. "You're covering your ass just to keep yourself in her good books. But suppose that what you're feeling for her is mutual?"

Immediately, she stared at him. Of course she was dumbfounded. Then confused. Those narrowed eyes suggested an analysis being done on his words being genuine. Then she sank back into the chair with a sigh and gave in to denial.

"It isn't. Annalise isn't…into women. She's clearly not going to ever be into me." Her voice was so smaller than usual.

"Are you sure about that?" He leaned forward.

"Don't play mind games with me," she warned, shooting a glare in his direction. "I've had enough of that and I really don't like the feeling it gives me."

"What makes you think that Annalise wouldn't be into you?" He was swinging in the dark here. Obviously Annalise displayed far more than that inclination but there was still one major factor to consider. Something that had changed his perspective on her.

"Because I'm the wrong gender?" Bonnie offered up, appearing frustrated. "She sees me like her daughter. Or worst. A disappointment."

"That's not true. You mean more to her than you think."

"I hardly can even believe that you would know the complicated relationship she has with me." The blonde was rather tense. Her disposition displayed as much.

Nate sighed. "There are certain things people can't hide from others. Me being included, and I'm not bragging here. But Annalise and I would talk a lot about personal stuff. Your name," he considered her with a smug look, "always came up in the most unusual circumstances."

"How?" Bonnie searched his face. She was still tugging at her fingers. Something that seemed to be a nervous habit of hers.

"Let's just say that you've managed to get deep under her skin, more than even Frank."

The two of them looked at each other.

She glanced away and shook her head. "Is that it?" Bonnie was growing impatient. "You've just told me something I already know. I don't understand how that's supposed to make me feel better."

"Eve," he said basically. If they were going to do this the hard way as she wished, then hitting the nail on the head was probably the best approach.

They stared at each other.

Bonnie blinked. "What about her?"

He actually smiled. "How much do you really know about her?"

Bonnie shrugged, frowning. "I know that she's a good lawyer. She took your case and won. She's…been friends with Annalise for over a decade…"

"Friends, huh?" he offered her a humored look.

"Because that's what they are…" Bonnie frowned, obviously switching into overload as mixed emotions rose to the surface. "They look out for each other."

"Is that what Annalise told you?" He was impressed.

"She did."

"You're so high on the Annalise crack, you can't even see what's right in front of you." Shaking his head, he sat back and sighed.

"I don't understand," Bonnie said in a smaller voice. She tugged at the neck of her sweater and scowled.

"You're letting yourself go. Not cool. The hair. The granny look. Not cool at all." He smiled wider.

The blonde's chest heaved. She had accepted defeat on that. "Don't change the topic."

Nate sighed. "Annalise and Eve were girlfriends," he said matter-of-factly. "Law school girlfriends. Not friends. But they must have slept with each other. More than twice."

She was already shaking her head because it was ridiculous to even believe in such a thing.

"And don't worry about me telling a lie. Eve made it clear to me the first time we met. Annalise and I talked about it. They had fun. And here you are," he gestured at her, "sitting and sulking, honestly believing that you're in this alone. When she's been with a woman right under your nose and you had no idea about it. Or maybe you did because I can't understand how that slipped away from you."

Bonnie's eyes were as wide as saucers. But when she blinked, those eyes leaked tears. She sat back and stared at him with a pained expression on her face that clearly meant that the truth indeed hurts.

"She never told me any of this. But she told you." Her wound, the one that used to be continuously scraped at in regards to Nate being Annalise's lover opened up again.

"Don't you get it?" he asked, staring at her. "She never told you because she never believed that you would accept it. Maybe she thought you would judge her for being that way."

"Annalise never cared about revealing her true self to me," Bonnie's tone was clipped. "I've seen her at her worst. Ever. So why did she feel the need to keep me in the dark about this?"

"That's what you need to ask her," he pressed on. "I don't mind if you use my name in this because I'm not scared of her. I've been one too many times beaten down by her so I've got stamina to face her. But you deserved to know the truth. That's why I told you."

"I don't believe you, Nate," Bonnie sent him a cold look. "I just…" she shrugged, "don't."

"Why would I lie?" and he leant forward, offering up nothing but an honest display of openness. "Hmm? Especially about something like this. To defame her? Hell no. She's got some real courage to come over here and kick my ass if I lied about something like that."

"This is ridiculous," Bonnie shook her head and looked away. She reached up to wipe a tear away swiftly then shrugged. "All this time, she's been keeping this. Secret from me. About Eve. And she behaved as if my feelings were plaguing her with death."

Nate sighed. He considered her with cool eyes and felt at least contented that they were going somewhere. Regardless of if Annalise felt the same about Bonnie, the latter needed to know that sometimes the depth of our beliefs might not be fully fueled by all there is. There could be more. There was more. And he needed to shake Annalise up a little. After all, she wasn't exactly in his good books at the moment.

"Thank you for telling me," she finally managed to say after a long time. Their eyes met and something passed between them.

It wasn't just hurt, he noticed. But hope. At least from this standpoint, Bonnie could refrain from feeling left out. Knowing that Annalise had been so inclined. Knowing that both of them had been there with certain feelings and nothing was wrong with that. Not the way Annalise had blown up. It wasn't accepting to do that. In fact, he had been angry with her response to Bonnie's confession. Her, out of everyone else. The woman who had a girlfriend and concealed it from her husband and her closest ally.

When she left that night, she wasted no time in holding up the pent up confusion whirling around inside. She took her car and drove around Annalise's new neighborhood for a while whilst thinking of how to approach the situation. Of course they couldn't fight about this. Not after the place they had reached that night. Somewhere deeper on so many levels. And now, she needed answers. She really did.

When Bonnie faced the door, her heart flopped wildly like a fish out of water. Her hands were drained of blood. Paler and cold and trembling.

Eve.

She was shaking inside.

After all she had done for her. All the times Annalise crumbled and she picked her up. Sheltered her. Soothed her. Reassured her that she was above all, important. And yet they couldn't be honest with each other?

Two raps. She waited then pressed the buzzer. Hoping that Annalise was inside there because Bonnie knew that she wouldn't sleep a wink that night.

But then there were footsteps. And the peephole was spied through. Then a small pause and the door was being unlatched.

When they faced each other, it wasn't like before. No. Something had really changed between them. Over the years they had peeled away each other's layers but tonight, the last layer had been pulled away. To reveal a bond so deep that of course like she had said, no husband, wife or girlfriend would ever feel the magnitude of what they had between them. It was so much more.

"Bonnie, what's wrong?" Annalise frowned.

The blonde inhaled deeply and without answering, she let herself in.

All the time, for about two minutes, what passed between them was sweet and poisonous tension. Something that took Bonnie's breath away and weakened her knees. She was giving herself a third chance here. The first chance had been the truth. The second a lie to cover up the truth out of love. And now this. This would be the one part in her life where she could either lose the most important person to her or win.

"Eve," she said standing by the window with her back facing Annalise.

There was silence. Bonnie stared down at the street below. The night was dead already.

"What about her?" Annalise asked in a soft tone. But had the blonde turned around, she would have seen so much more. The alarming look. The emotions twisting on the older woman's face.

"You were lovers," Bonnie didn't turn around. To her, this was advantageous. Knowing that her message, her hurt and pain from being left in the dark would be revealed so much more if they didn't make eye contact. It meant that she wouldn't cry easily. Looking Annalise in the face made her break down faster.

"Bonnie, I…" the older woman stopped. She stumbled on her words.

"You never told me. You never said anything to me. Nothing. At all." Her voice trembled. "I had to hear it from Nate."

"So you went to Nate's apartment tonight after we talked?" Annalise sounded wounded. "Did you sleep with him?"

"I would…never do that after we talked tonight," Bonnie finally turned around and her eyes brimmed with tears. "When we talked, I felt as if everything wasn't just complicated between us. But everything runs so much deeper than anything we feel for other people. That's why I always thought you were honest with me. But you thought that it was okay to lie to me. All these years. About Eve. About the two of you being more than friends. Girlfriends –"

"Bonnie –"

"And then," the blonde interrupted, "when I told you that I love you, you acted as if what I said to you was like me throwing acid in your face. How could you do that to me?" Her voice trembled even more. She broke down. "How in the world could you do that to the one person who has had your back all these years? The one person who would do…anything…for you."

"I lied, I know that," Annalise said passionately, tears leaking down her cheeks already. "And I was wrong for doing that. But you didn't need to know. That's what I thought. You didn't need to know."

"Why?" Bonnie glared at her. She sniffed.

"Because…" Annalise was shaking her head, "I thought that you wouldn't want to know. The same with Sam." Her eyes had grown wider. "You always didn't want to get in."

"Even after what has happened between us recently?" The blonde's eyes were icy. "All that you said? For me to go away and never come back? For me to stop saying that one word that I thought you could never understand? Not in that context? But you did? And you lived it too?"

"Eve was a beautiful mistake in my life that was necessary for me –"

"And I'm nothing," Bonnie said dryly. She strode away and threw up her hands. "I'm nothing to you." The air grew colder. Her fingertips were so numb.

"I never said that," Annalise followed. "I said those things because I wanted you to realize that you don't need me in your life. That's why I fired you. We went through this before."

"But there's just one thing about all of this that you will never appreciate but you obviously understand," Bonnie stopped and faced the older woman. They were merely six inches apart.

"That you care for me? I know that," Annalise's lips quivered. "I know that Bonnie."

"Eve?" the blonde's eyes brimmed with tears. "Even after all I've done for you, all these years. When you were so low, I stayed with you. When you tried to let yourself go, I brought you back. And she just showed up after so many years and she won."

"This is not about Eve," the older woman said. "This is about me and you. Eve is in the past."

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Some small part in between those minutes, Bonnie found that the pain faded away from her chest and she began to breathe again.

It wasn't just about what Annalise had said; that Eve was in her past. But the magnitude of the effect their proximity had on her mind, body and soul. The feeling of being entirely overwhelmed and bewitched. Of casting her eyes upon a woman who had changed her life, and broken her into tiny pieces and then glued every part together again.

"I lied tonight," the blonde folded her arms and tears streamed down her cheeks. "About not being in love with you. I lied. Because I thought that you would keep on despising me for feeling this way. So the only option I had was to lie just so that I could still have you in my life. Even if it meant putting myself through hell every time I see you, and knowing that you could never be mine. That you could never love me back the way I love you."

"Bonnie," Annalise croaked.

"I know what I want, Annalise. Just like I told you before. And since I know that you're well aware of how I feel about you, and the magnitude of it, then there's only one thing left for us to do."

"Don't do this," Annalise pleaded.

"Either you be honest with me about your life including all the small things or you don't and I walk out of here and we never talk to each other again."

"Bonnie –"

"I mean it," the blonde said. "You can't make me feel alone and expect to mean something to me, even if it's not in the way I want things to be between us."

When the older woman didn't reply, Bonnie simply skirted around Annalise and headed for the door. Her mind was already made it. They couldn't keep lying to each other like this. In fact, she had been entirely honest with Annalise. Completely honest. And trust worked both ways.

"I lied too," Annalise caught up with her and held onto Bonnie's right shoulder. "Look at me. Please."

Turning around, she literally felt so cold. "We've already established that."

"No," Annalise said quickly, out of breath as some kind of emotion overwhelmed her. "I'm not only talking about Eve. I'll tell you all you need to know about her. That wasn't a lie. It was a choice on my part to keep you in the dark. However," she sensed how impatient Bonnie was getting and exhaled, "there is something else that I lied about."

"Here we go," Bonnie threw up her hands and shook her head. "You killed Sam. You…know who killed Wes and never said. You always do this and then –"

"I have feelings for you too," Annalise interrupted, her eyes wide. "Okay? I have these feelings for you and I've always had them. And I'm scared. Always have been. That you…would never feel the same." Annalise reached up and dabbed at her wet cheeks. "I've said this countless times to myself that I'm not and never was like Eve. But since I met you so many years ago on that stand, I felt something that never went away."

Bonnie couldn't breathe. She stood there, dumbfounded and swallowed hard. "What?" her tone was softer, almost inaudible.

"You were infatuated with Sam. Not me."

"It was never Sam," Bonnie said. Her face contorted as she tried to hold back the tears. "It was always…you."

"I'm going to continue ruining you if you give in," Annalise's voice trembled as she avoided eye contact and her shoulders slumped. "I always ruin people. I ruined Eve. I chose Sam over her and for what? To have myself shamed and verbally abused. Now I'm going to do the same thing to you."

Bonnie braved it all and took two steps forward. Slowly though. Until there were just two inches between them. Her eyes offered such a soft look, that same look caressed Annalise's heart without them even touching.

"You can't ruin someone who has hit rock bottom already," the blonde said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Annalise's face contorted as she gave into crying softly.

"Why?"

"That I…lied."

To compel herself from doing it would have required all of her strength. Therefore, Bonnie lifted cupped fingers and gently brushed Annalise's right cheek. It was the softest touch ever. Something that had happened between them before but this time, that gesture carried so much more feelings.

They felt it. Annalise lifted her eyes and their gaze turned into one so deep and intimate that it immediately astounded Bonnie. Realizing that she was being looked at in such a way. A way Annalise had never looked at her before. It was like she meant the whole world to one person and nobody else could understand the depth. The sincerity. The desire that welled up inside of her and ate up the pain.

"You need time off from all the drama to focus on yourself," Bonnie said, still caressing Annalise's face. "To focus on what you want. What's best for you. How you're feeling. To sort yourself out."

"I can't right now," Annalise said quietly. She inhaled deeply as the tension between them grew thicker. "Laurel needs me."

Bonnie sighed. It ate away at her but she nodded. "Because you feel her pain."

"See?" Annalise laughed a little, although tears slipped out of her eyes, "I didn't even have to explain that to you. You already knew."

"I know you better than anyone else," Bonnie said, "you know that."

"It kills me when we're not together."

And in one swift move, the blonde moved in and wrapped her arms gingerly around the other woman's warm body. It was evident from the second their bodies met in such an intimate way, that Annalise was desperately craving all of it. She melted, a hoarse moan escaping from between parted lips as her nose was buried into choppy blonde hair. The smell of rosemary. And vanilla. And the softness of Bonnie's hair.

They stayed that way for a long time, whilst the night around them unfolded and rolled forward in such a stillness that countered their beating hearts. For a moment, both of them felt so much at home in each other's arms than they had ever felt anywhere else. It was so deep. And intense. And a reminder that people could connect by having their souls wrap around each other.

"Look at me," Bonnie finally whispered, drawing her face away from the crook of Annalise's soft shoulder.

The blonde lightly pressed their foreheads together. They gazed at each other. Their breathing grew heavier. And then, Annalise allowed their noses to brush together.

It was such a simple show of affection that was innocent and true, that Bonnie had to smile. Her cheeks flushed as nervous fingers reached up to tuck dark strands of the older woman's hair behind an ear. Those fingers stayed there, caressing. Her other hand wound its way around Annalise's soft hips, pulling her closer so that she could feel every inch of her. And just like that, they swayed together.

"I can't breathe," Annalise croaked, feeling as if her heart would explode.

Bonnie's eyes fluttered close. "I never can when you're close to me either."

They continued to move together as the older woman ran her fingers through disheveled blonde hair. As she felt Bonnie burning up and the feel of warm breath on her lips.

Then, she couldn't deny it any longer. Annalise trembled even before doing something that would change them forever. She understood that there were really no boundaries between them at all and grew even more courageous. But it didn't stop her body from trembling like a leaf when she brushed her lips on Bonnie's parted ones.

The feeling alone was so unbelievable. It wasn't like before when they had shared a deeper kiss. Because alcohol had clouded her mind. However, this time she was fully sober and able to treasure every second, the softness of Bonnie's lips and the way the blonde shook a little from that one intimate contact between them.

Both of them gazed at each other after that moment. Neither could say a word. Bonnie, instead, leaned in and buried her face into Annalise's neck where she pressed kisses on a weak spot just below the older woman's jawline. And she kept kissing her there, then inching upwards until her lips were returning to fuller red lips.

"Bonnie," Annalise whispered, feeling herself open up and responding in a way that displayed longing.

The blonde's lips moved to the shell of the older woman's ear. "I have to go," Bonnie whispered.

It was enough to send so many thrills down Annalise's body, enough to curl her toes even more. "Don't," she managed to say.

"I'll see you whenever I can," Bonnie said, taking a step back and untangling them from each other slowly. It was painful. So painful to witness the look on the older woman's face that signaled utter pain from withdrawal already. "Don't look so sad," she pleaded. "Look where we are now. It's more than what any of us dreamed we would be. I'll see you around."

"Stay," Annalise begged one more time, holding onto the blonde's hand.

"I really can't. We both need to work on our complicated relationship for a while. I like talking. Talking helps. I want to bond with you on this new level we're on."

"So no kissing, you mean," Annalise smiled although appearing quite wounded as she lowered her eyes. "I get it. I've been horrible to you. And now you're punishing me for it."

"This is not me punishing you," Bonnie frowned. "This is me trying to give us room to work on what we have so that we can heal each other. I love you." The blonde squeezed the older woman's hand. "I'm never going to move past that."

And just as they had begun, they slowly created distance between themselves as the blonde found her way light headed down the elevator. She reached up and pressed two fingers on her parted lips. Still feeling Annalise's lips on hers. Still feeling Annalise's beating heart. The way the older woman melted into her. All that had happened so suddenly.

Bonnie went to her car and sat there for a long time gazing up at the window where her apartment was. The apartment where they had almost shared their second kiss but the first meaningful one. And when she saw Annalise's shadow behind the blind, the blonde held her breath. The blind fluttered and then for what may seem like a remarkable thing, Bonnie felt as if Annalise knew she was there, in the car.

Xx


	2. Chapter 2

**This takes place before the scene we saw on 4x12 with Bonnie and Annalise in the car**

Annalise was devastated. To say the least. Her mind had reached the breaking point inside that courtroom, where Isaac had been cornered and humiliated and torn apart. Stumbling into a stall in the women's room, she fumbled for her phone and Speed Dialed Frank.

"They've got him pretty good," he said as a greeting. "They're going to bury him, Annalise."

"I need you to find out as much as you can about what they have on him, Frank." Her voice was reduced to a whisper. Here she was again, hiding inside washroom stalls and shedding tears.

"I think you're asking the wrong person," he said.

"What?"

He sighed. "You and Bonnie fighting again?"

"No," she literally felt her heart do a flip flop.

Their conversation.

"Then ask her to look into it for you," his voice sounded so far off, she was losing focus.

The kiss.

"We…"she swallowed hard, "haven't been seeing each other lately. She needs her space."

"What is with you women?" he was probably shaking his head on the other end. "One minute you're talking. The next you ain't. Get cozy with her again. Make up. Buy her chocolates and roses. She likes that. She's a hopeless romantic."

His references to romance didn't slip by unnoticed.

Annalise held her breath and wondered silently about the wealth of information he could have dug up on the two of them. Perhaps Bonnie had told Frank a little more than she bargained for. Maybe, he had figured it out on his own.

"Look, all I'm saying is I like it when the two of you are friends again. Makes things easier to handle."

"Sure, I…will…call her," she said, never intending to.

When Annalise ended the call, there was no time to even process what had occurred, because there was another incoming call. And this time, it was from the one person she had begun to fall so much more deeply in love with. It was becoming difficult to conceal the strength of their bond and the impact of the distance any longer.

"Bonnie," she answered, feeling her chest flutter. "Hi."

"Annalise," the younger woman sounded breathless, "I'm outside in the parking lot. Meet me by your car."

"It's really not a good time."

"I heard about Isaac," Bonnie said in a sad tone.

"It's terrible," Annalise unlocked the door and headed out of the washroom, with a purpose in mind now. Although her knees were growing weaker after every step.

"I know it is. I need to see you." She sounded as if she was pleading with her.

"I'm on my way."

Annalise's stride sent her past Michaela and Connor who were positioned by the door leading into the courtroom. When they noticed her speeding by, the latter frowned whilst the former evidently was still struck by the occurrences in the courtroom.

"In the middle of this, I bet that she's on her way to meet Nate in his car. So the two of them could probably screw each other," Micheala contributed with a scowl.

Connor, however, gave her an impressive look and shook his head. "I don't think Nate's on her mind these days. I think it's someone else." He whistled, did a slow spin around and shot her an impish grin.

Michaela frowned. "Who? The obviously deranged and drug abuser Isaac?"

"Nope," he was teasing her. "It's the last person you'd suspect. But I've called it since we started working for Annalise. Seen it coming a mile away."

"Frank?" Michaela trailed after him as Connor began to walk away, feeling all too proud of himself. "Because that would be kind of gross and disturbing –"

"You'll figure it out," he said, not letting out anything.

She had to flip on the A.C after a few seconds of sitting in the car next to Bonnie. The tension, and the urge within her to close the distance between them was difficult to handle. It was suffocating to even find that by reflex, her hand reached out to take the blonde's and both of them immediately locked eyes to enact a deep gaze.

For a while, neither of them spoke a word. But merely savoured being so close to each other after their last intense meeting. Because she hadn't been able to manage more than two hours sleep since then. Her mind, which was always racing with thoughts, was completely contained with Bonnie's eyes. The way those eyes had fluttered after they kissed. And her lips, barely parted as they were in the car then, would never leave her memory.

"I missed you," Annalise squeezed the blonde's fingers between hers. She leaned her head into the seat and offered a small smile. "So much."

"I missed you too," Bonnie said, her voice growing huskier. "How are you holding up? Isaac's case isn't doing you any good."

"I know. But I have to support him."

"To what end?" Bonnie frowned. She rested her cheek onto the seat as they faced each other. "He's dug himself into a hole. You shouldn't jump in there with him."

"He's just been so low, and I know how that feels. That's why I feel the need to help him," Annalise admitted, avoiding eye contact.

"Laurel and Isaac?" the blonde offered a sympathetic look. "It's too much even for you to bear. I hate seeing you like this. The bags under your eyes. The sadness. When you're in pain, I am. You know that."

"Well, you know me," Annalise smiled a little, feeling her heart flutter even more by those words, "I'm always putting too much on my plate."

"Am I anywhere on that plate?" Bonnie tried in a small voice. "Me? The mousy blonde who always takes care of you?"

"You're the main course," Annalise said. She chuckled. The younger woman glanced away and smiled too. "And dessert. Just you wait and see."

Their eyes locked and the blonde's smile faded. Her eyes widened a little, almost showing surprise but then amazement. Surely it couldn't have been that suggestive?

Annalise, on the other hand, reached up with cupped fingers and lightly caressed Bonnie's right cheek. She was so warm. A slight blush appeared and crept down to her neck.

"I could do this all day."

"What?" Annalise asked softly.

"Sit with you. So close. Because when I'm with you I feel so much…safer." She bowed her head.

"Hey, look at me," Annalise used her fingers to lift Bonnie's chin.

Slowly though, the blonde allowed their eyes to meet again. This time, the gaze was so intense, their chests heaved from a sigh so deep and eventually, their faces drifted closer. Until, their foreheads were pressed together and evidently, the A.C could do no favors with the heat created in that steamy space.

Even when Bonnie entwined their fingers, Annalise brought those soft, slim and fair ones to her lips and she pressed a kiss onto Bonnie's hand.

"Let's run away from all of this," the blonde whispered. "From the kids. Isaac. Laurel. Frank. Just you and me. Somewhere quiet where we can bond and….kiss and…everything else."

"I thought you said you wanted us to take things slow?" Annalise reminded her. She couldn't contain herself, and gave into burying her face into the crook of Bonnie's right shoulder. "I'm losing my mind, by not seeing you as much as I used to."

"That's what I want." The blonde admitted, her eyes fluttering close as the older woman pressed a kiss onto her neck. "I want us to feel things. To make things less complicated by getting to know each other and how we feel about each other. I want you to realize that what we have, is far more intense than what you have with anyone else."

"Believe me, I don't feel this way about anyone else," Annalise smiled and returned to gazing into Bonnie's eyes.

"Really? Nate? Isaac?" the blonde's voice quivered.

"No," the older woman said plainly, offering a convincing look. "I want to help them. I don't want them as I want you. Bonnie." Annalise frowned when tears formed in the younger woman's eyes. "Look where we are now. Can't you see? Everything about us has changed. Everything. And Nate nor Isaac can make me change the way I feel about you. What we have is complicated. Just like you said."

Bonnie inhaled through her lips and blinked. She thumbed away her tears and sat hunched in the seat with Annalise cupping those small hands that were growing cold. Even staring at her hands couldn't prevent the inevitable from occurring. The moment when she would have to look at her. And when she would look at her, every single time, Bonnie would be reminded of how deeply in love she was.

"Are you sure you don't have any feelings for Isaac?" Bonnie asked regardless.

"I don't."

The blonde understood somehow that when situations pressed Annalise into a corner, she would do whatever it took to change the game. Even if it meant to falsely mislead someone.

"I just know that he is going down a road that is dangerous and could end badly. And I want to help him. I don't want him to end up dead and I have to live with the thought of me not being able to save him."

"Okay," Bonnie said softly. "I believe you."

"Is it true?" Annalise had to ask. "Are they investigating him?"

"Denver's personally overseeing the case," Bonnie nodded. She finally allowed their eyes to meet.

"Of course. He wants it to look real so badly."

"Unless it is real," Bonnie said.

"They're framing him just like they did me."

"I'm just saying the evidence they have on him," Bonnie nodded, "looks real." She didn't want to talk about Isaac. Not now. Not when they were sharing this moment. But nevertheless, it was happening.

Annalise shook her head. "I'm the devil."

"You didn't cause this," Bonnie said softly.

"I begged him to help me –"

"Stop," the blonde interrupted, "alright. You can't…afford to make this about yourself right now."

But then it happened. That one look. The buildup of tension and so much more between them that just had Bonnie aching to close the distance and kiss her. Annalise. She could see that the older woman was terribly trying to conceal her desire to do the same. In fact, the blonde was deciding that this was not going to hurt their relationship. If she kissed her.

She was about to do just that when Frank knocked on the window.

Annalise, always reacting, managed to pull her hand away from Bonnie's, who couldn't care less if Frank knew. After all, he would understand. He always did. If he didn't know already about them. What they were hiding. Because he wasn't exactly a retard.

"I'll go now," Bonnie said, realizing that the case would be too much at this point and if all Annalise's energy was needed in the courtroom then so be it. She was just about to open the car door when the blonde felt those warm fingers inside her hair.

"When will I see you again?" Annalise had to ask. She was becoming brittle from the lack of so much more that could happen between them.

"When we can," Bonnie said in a small voice, their eyes locking. "For now, if you want results on my end from the DA then we have to never be seen with each other."

"That hurts," the older woman frowned, as her lips quivered. "Just thinking about it. I want to go back to how we used to be. You. In the house. Us two alone."

"We can't go back to the way things were," Bonnie said, shaking her head. "Because the house was toxic. And it was killing us. And things happen for a reason. So you let me go in order for us to find each other again on this level. I don't want to go back. I want to live every new day, knowing that this is real. Between us."

"I can't keep waiting a week to see you, Bonnie," Annalise confessed. A tear leaked from her eye. "That's torture. Even for you. And I can see that."

"Then…what do you suggest?" The blonde tried. "With both of us wrapped up in Laurel's case, and Isaac and you becoming buried in Nate's father's case. We barely have time for ourselves."

"That's true," Annalise sighed. "Well come by whenever you can."

"Right," Bonnie allowed their eyes to meet again before opening the car door. But the older woman refused to let go of her hand. Instead, she was forced to have half her body out of the car and the other half still inside.

"You're leaving without a hug? A kiss? Is that too much to ask for now? Am I being paranoid that this is all a dream and we're just complicated again? Are you losing interest in me?"

Bonnie sighed. She bit her lips. Her chest heaved. "Annalise, Frank's standing right there. And even though I don't give a shit about what he thinks if he finds out, I know you're not ready for that step yet. So you decide."

It was daring. It was so damn thrilling though. And the older woman was fully aware of the repercussions but she craved it. Therefore, without wasting a second of their time left, Annalise pulled Bonnie a little more into the car although her legs were still outside, and she kissed the blonde.

The moan unearthed from both of them was low and throaty. Their minds became fuzzy and Bonnie's knees buckled so that she ended up sinking into the depth of the car as Annalise took a hold of her shoulders and deepened the kiss.

Coffee, that's what the blonde tasted. Coffee and those soft lips that were melting her into a feverish state. Even as her entire body awakened and trembled to be touched some more. To be so closer to the older woman.

Annalise couldn't believe how intense their kiss was. So intense, she felt her head swing and her heart being sucked into a place that warmed it like no other time before. It was so blissful. So right. So damn right. That she didn't want it to stop. The feeling of having this moment and wanting it to last forever.

From where he stood, hell, Frank got an eyeful. Until he was goggling, blinking too fast and trying to clear his vision. Trying to see right.

"Holy moly," he whispered, realizing what was happening right in front of him. "Sweet Jesus. Asher owes me fifty bucks on this one."

When the afternoon faded into the softest glow upon her front windows, Bonnie offered Frank a glass so that he could pour some whiskey. The aftermath of the day's events weren't exactly satisfactory. But it would have to do for the moment. Providing that nothing else went wrong and thus far, it seemed as if the worst was to come.

"So it was never Sam, huh?" Frank studied Bonnie lying on the couch with her feet tucked under a red wool blanket. Their eyes met. "All the fuss Annalise made about you pining over Sam. It was her you had a thing for."

The blonde nodded once, with her eyes lowered onto the glass. She twirled around the contents of it then bit her lips. So he had seen the kiss in the car. That much was evident.

"All along, there was this buzzing inside my head about the two of you. And to be honest," he frowned, "I never saw a mother daughter relationship happening between you and her. It was always –"

"Complicated," she interrupted. Bonnie downed her whiskey in one go and allowed it to burn its way down her throat.

"Was always," he agreed, lifting his glass to salute her. "And now the two of you are sneaking around."

"We have to," she told him, offering a wary look. "If Denver finds out, then it wouldn't end well."

"And how long do you expect to keep hiding?" He was honestly concerned. "Eventually, someone will see. And what then?"

"We'll take care of it when it happens," she stated with confidence. "Like we always do."

"And the kids?"

"Like I said," she couldn't care less about them, "we'll take care of it when it happens."

"Asher especially might take it hard. Michaela will sit on the fence. Connor and Oliver will throw a fiesta most likely. And Laurel. Well she's more concerned about her baby than anything else."

Bonnie sighed. All she wanted right there and then, was to be in close proximity to Annalise and no one else. Where they could sip whiskey and talk about so many things on a much more personal level. Bonding. Instead of having to stay away from each other because of public affairs and politics and the law.

For once in her life she had arrived at a place where love happened in its purest form. Where a blissful moment was finally felt at its truest. And she couldn't even get as much out of it as her heart had ever dreamed of.

 **Stay tuned for more from episode 13!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This takes place during the 13** **th** **episode of Season 4**

Annalise stood under the streetlight, appearing nervous and terribly out of sorts at eleven o'clock in the silence of the night.

She checked her watch, then exhaled in slight frustration from the inconvenience. Her departure was expected in thirty minutes. All of this had happened so suddenly and yet, here she was, on her way to meet no other than Olivia Pope. Was she nervous? No. But uncertain of where this would lead? Yes.

After all, this would put even more distance between them.

"Annalise, we have to go," Connor was growing impatient in the driver's seat of the car. The engine was running. "Time's ticking."

"Just…five more minutes," she said, waving her hand in his direction.

"Annalise –" he stopped when their eyes met. She held the connection which turned out to contain as many inaudible feelings as possible. And sighing, he returned to staring at the road in front of him. In the meantime, Oli was trying to convince him that the dark side of the web was something his poor heart could not handle.

As Connor was exploding over the reference to him being fainthearted, he spotted a car pulling up behind in the rearview mirror. Holding his breath, Connor realized that this was the first time he would be graced with a meeting occurring in front of his eyes, and now possessing the knowledge he had been exposed to.

Annalise had confided in him but briefly. She informed him that all he needed to know was that Nate wasn't an option in her life anymore and instead, there was someone else. Someone who had always been there, and frankly, he had his suspicions all along. Because in a manner of putting it out there delicately, Asher didn't really score. Asher was a fall back plan.

Bonnie ensured that she checked out who was the passenger inside of Annalise's car. Smart move. But then, that was Bonnie. Always observant and suspicious to everything. Those suspicions only grew worse now as she bent down a little to scrutinize his demeanor and then, the moment he would have paid good money for, began to unfold.

"So he's driving you?" Bonnie closed the distance between herself and Annalise with tentative steps. Her hands were shoved into pockets belonging to a blood red trench coat.

"Three times I tried to get onto you," Annalise said in a level voice, "I called you and your phone went straight to your voicemail. So I thought that you were sleeping."

"I…" Bonnie fished her cell out of one of the pockets and flipped it open, "…was…" she stumbled for words. "I took a sleeping aid and I drank a little too much and that's what happened."

"You don't take sleeping aids and you don't drink a little too much," Annalise closed the distance even more with worry clouding her eyes. "Bonnie, what's wrong?"

Appearing terribly downcast, the younger woman sighed. She fidgeted with the belt on her coat. "It's Denver. He's getting to me. I'm becoming paranoid and I can't do this alone."

Annalise took a hold of Bonnie's slumped shoulders and felt her heart ache. "Who says that you have to do this alone? You don't have to. I'm here for you. Frank is too."

"I asked him to stay with me for a while." The younger woman lifted her eyes so that they met the brunette's pair.

The assumption that the statement would settle well between the two of them wasn't something to be certain of. Instead, Annalise sighed, and threw her stare elsewhere. Clearly the news unsettled her. After all, Frank was still trying to muffle his feelings in regards to Bonnie.

"And when were you going to tell me about that?" Annalise asked. "Is he there now? In your apartment?"

"You're upset." The younger woman's voice was softer now.

"Of course I'm upset because we both know that the two of you…did what you did and I'm uncomfortable with that."

"I never oppose every time you choose to meet Nate in his car alone," Bonnie countered. "I know Eve still calls you. Have you told either of them about your feelings for me?"

"Bonnie, I'm working on a case involving Nate's father," Annalise defended herself but in a subtle tone. "And Eve rarely calls to check up on me. She called yesterday because she heard about the case."

"She still calls you –" Bonnie folded her arms as if to introduce a shield between the two of them.

"Eve has a girlfriend," Annalise stated. She gazed at the younger woman's defensive stance and lightly placed her hands upon the blonde's arms. Delicately, her fingers played upon the cool fabric of the red coat. She was struggling to contain herself. "I told Eve about you. But I didn't need to say anything more because she had already suspected all there is to know. That I've been in love with you all this time."

Bonnie sighed. She nodded. Lips bitten, the blonde's eyes watered a little. "I'm a mess, Annalise."

"We both are," the brunette smiled a little. Her eyes met Connor's inside the car. She stared at him.

Connor quickly rolled up the window and glued his eyes to the mobile.

Bonnie glanced behind her and sent Annalise an inquiring look. "I'm guessing he knows."

"I needed an ally."

"Well Frank's mine," the blonde said without skipping a beat. Their eyes couldn't divert elsewhere. "He knows about us. I told him and he's happy for us."

Annalise was still impressed. "You. Told Frank."

"I did. You're going to be late. You should get going."

"Bonnie –"

"You could have asked me to drive you. But you didn't. And now I'm going to become even more paranoid as I keep wondering why you didn't ask me."

"Bonnie," Annalise croaked.

"I want to be there for you. You know I do. I wanted to go with you. But you made this decision on your own without even telling me about it. Just as you always do." The blonde's tone was sharp but there were tears in her eyes. "I'm just going to force myself to get used to this. You do things on your own. By yourself. You're so independent, and all I want is you."

Annalise wrapped her arms around Bonnie's form and gently pulled her close. Resting their foreheads together, she tried to at least serve as the composed one but that was a terrible lie. In fact, there was no one else apart from Bonnie who saw through her. The only person who understood her flaws and was observant enough to pinpoint the moments when she fucked up.

"Take me with you," Bonnie's voice was so small. She rubbed their noses together affectionately as a strained sob escaped from between her lips. "I need to be with you."

"You'll distract me."

"I'll motivate you," the blonde assured.

"I have to do this alone."

"Then I can't stop you." A tear leaked down Bonnie's cheek. "Take care of yourself."

Slowly but painfully, Annalise leaned in for a kiss that merely consisted of the meeting of their lips. Delicate at first, as she tasted the softness of Bonnie's mouth. Then the blonde's eyes fluttered close and she allowed herself to fall into the other woman's space. So much tension between them still and yet a kiss was all it took to fade the pain away.

She wanted to take her. Annalise really wanted to. But Bonnie had a job to do. She couldn't be seen on the media with the blonde when Denver was keeping a close eye on them. Any kind of conspiracy would throw everything they had worked for into the flames. And if he suspected anything then things would only become more dangerous for Bonnie.

Why couldn't she understand that? Why couldn't Bonnie see that this wasn't about her being selfish? But about her caring so much about the blonde's wellbeing that she willing to put more distance between them?

"Every second away from you will hurt me so much," Annalise rubbed their cheeks together as she felt Bonnie tremble within her arms. The blonde was clinging onto her as if this was the end of the world. As if this was their final goodbye and she was beginning to fall apart. Annalise was crumbling. "Please don't be mad at me."

She pulled her lips away from Bonnie's cheek so that their eyes could meet. What swirled around in those brown eyes was only pain. Pain and desire and hurt and everything that should force her to stay where she was so that everything could settle again.

"I love you," Annalise said, her lips quivering.

"Connor's waiting," was all Bonnie chose to say, in a voice that was barely audible. However, she reached out and curled a few strands of Annalise's hair between her fingers. "I'll go back to my sleeping pills and whiskey."

"Bonnie," the brunette's strained voice suggested that she was terribly wounded. "Don't."

"I have to go," the blonde said, and pulling away, her eyes remained downcast as she left in slow steps.

The inches began to eat away at Annalise's heart. Seeing how apparently wounded Bonnie was. Even as the blonde got into her car, their eyes didn't meet again. Instead, the younger woman placed the vehicle into drive and she rolled off. She just left.

Connor wasn't entirely enjoying the silence between them as the car nosed its way out of state. In fact, he was craving to at least do something that would stop Annalise from silently crying on the other side of the car.

She had a funny way of believing that she could conceal something like that from anyone. The unbelievable fact that she was just a human who could be wounded and would cry. But there Annalise was, with her face resting on the glass as she stared into nothingness and was completely being devastated by love.

"You know, you don't have to do this now," he said, introducing conversation, "I can turn around the car and you can spend the night with her."

"Just keep driving," Annalise's voice was terribly hoarse.

"You can spend the night with her," he emphasized, "the two of you can talk. Then in the morning, she can call in sick and she can take you there. Denver would never know she's there if she stays in the hotel room or she…wears a hoodie."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to talk about it," he braved all odds. "You're about to dive into something that will change everything. This is big for you. Olivia. All of it. And you need all the moral support you can get. You can't walk in there with all these emotions inside and expect them to be convinced enough."

"I can handle myself. I don't need anyone to help me."

"Look, no offense," he said, "but a relationship does not work that way. You're supposed to be there for each other. That's how it works."

She said nothing to him. Nothing at all but chose to choke on her rebuttal words as the pain inside her heart would not subdue.

Annalise constantly checked her phone. She even texted Bonnie but there was no response. Nothing. How in the world could they have moved from that beautiful moment in the parking lot the other day to all this uneasiness tonight? She was the one who had been paranoid about all of this. About finally finding something so amazing in Bonnie and now the blonde was slipping away.

Bonnie was taking sleeping aids and she was drinking. Bonnie never drank that much that she passed out and couldn't answer her phone. She was the one who kept herself sober enough to help. To talk. To help her through things. And now Bonnie needed her and she was on her way out town.

Annalise speed dialed the blonde's number and listened to it ring. Connor considered her from his side of the car.

"Can you please talk to me?" he listened to her plead into a voice note. "I'm worried right now because we're not in a good place. I left and I shouldn't have left you. Please answer me, Bonnie. I wouldn't sleep until you call me back."

That was it.

Connor pulled into the nearest gas station although the tank was pretty much okay and he turned off the engine. Of course this took Annalise by surprise as she stared at him.

"I have to confess," he said, turning to face her, "that you've managed to piss me off so many times along the way since first year. There were times when I hated you so much, I wanted to quit law and I started to hate law because of you. But suddenly the two of us bonded again and now I see you a lot different than before and we've become so much closer. You tell me things that you obviously don't let the others know about." He watched Annalise sigh and continued anyway. "My mother was never in my life. And I have you now. I know that you don't want that role at all. But like it or not, that's how I see you. I care about you a lot. You can be pretty mean but you have a heart in there that is bigger than even mine. And most of your heart is consumed by Bonnie."

Annalise tried to level her breathing as she fought back the urge to argue.

"If you didn't want me to care then you shouldn't have told me how you feel about her."

"I can handle this on my own, Connor."

"No, you can't!" he exploded, obviously frustrated. "You can't do this alone, Annalise. That's what friends are for. Right now, I'm pretty certain that you can't run to Nate about this and Frank's always MIA. I'm here though. You can talk to me. I don't blabber. I might not be able to give the best advice but I'm pretty much the caring type. If not, sometimes I'm harsh."

"What do you want me to say to you, Connor?" Annalise allowed their eyes to meet.

"Why is Bonnie upset?"

She stared at him for a long time, as if trying to conduct an analysis for the umpteenth time with doubts on whether to trust him. But then, it dawned upon her that out of all the kids, he would most likely be the only one who refused to judge her. The one who stuck by her side whilst the rest dealt with their drama. He was in a stable relationship. One that had its rocky moments. But nevertheless, Connor was always there when she needed him.

"We can't be seen together because of Denver," she began in a softer tone, "and it's been affecting Bonnie as much as it's affecting me. She believes that he's been watching her house so I can't even visit her apartment anymore. Nor can she come to mine."

"That sucks. He's a bastard." He sympathized. "So not only can't the two of you hang out and bond, but you can't even make out."

"I'm not going to discuss that with you," she said firmly.

He cracked a smile. "When you're in love with someone and you can't make out, the tension just builds up until one of you explodes."

"Connor, your wisdom in this area is really disturbing me right now," Annalise said but not severely angered by it. "Although I'd like to agree somewhat."

He shrugged. "You should have taken me up on that offer earlier. You know. Stayed the night with her. Let off a little steam then hit the road tomorrow."

Annalise sighed. "Wouldn't have changed anything. Bonnie is convinced that my feelings aren't genuine."

"No way," he stared. "You're in this way too deep."

"I need to do something that will settle her doubts."

"Sex comes first on my list," he smiled widely. She shook her head and stared at him. "Okay, well since you've already decided to head out here, I think that the best thing to do is to wait until she calls you back. If she doesn't call back then you have to give her some space."

"And what if she keeps drinking and something happens to her whilst I'm away?" the worry in Annalise's voice was evident.

"I'll keep an eye on her, don't worry. I got you." He reached out and rubbed her shoulder a little. "In the meantime, I think you should have some faith. Don't rush this. When you get back, you'll make it up to her."

They didn't speak for a while. The traffic on the highway had trickled down to a light pace.

"I don't even understand how she can even love me," Annalise said softly, hugging herself and staring at the road. "I'm not a good person."

"I disagree," Connor said as they hit the road once again. "I mean, I thought you were heartless. But things have changed. The way I see it is that you try to protect people a little too much. You care too much and then you make it your mission to help them until they win. Because when they win, you win. It's not about you being selfish. It's about you being too invested in your job. When it comes to Bonnie now, I think that she makes it a little more difficult for you because you two go way back and she knows you more than anyone else."

"She knows what I'm thinking even before I say it out loud," Annalise confessed.

"That's what soul mates do." Connor said softly. "Oli does the same thing. He knows when I'm upset even when I try my best to appear all happy and okay. He brings me ice cream when I'm sick and he takes care of me in a way no one else ever has. Bonnie does the same for you. She's always there. And sometimes I feel that when they need us, we're not always there."

She's always there.

Annalise began to walk down memory lane in her corner. All the times Bonnie was there for her. Every single time, she looked after her. She saved her. She comforted her. And tonight when Bonnie needed her, she had left.

By the time Annalise was in her hotel room, lying on a bed that felt cold, sleep wouldn't come. She rolled onto her side and stared at the vodka bottle, wondering if the blonde was awake or feeling entirely empty as she was.

She should have brought her along. They could have been together in that moment instead of miles away. They never shared a bed. Not ever. Should they have shared a bed? With less than four weeks since coming to terms with their feelings, just a kiss sufficed.

Did she crave for more? Absolutely. It wasn't easy for Annalise to stand that close to Bonnie and curb the desire to do so much more. To want so much more.

And now, there she lay upon a cold bed, feeling entirely restless and cold and in pain with no alcohol to muffle all of it. She had made a promise to Bonnie. Never to touch the bottle again unless granted permission. Now, staring at the vodka, Annalise stifled a sob and curled up into a fetal position. She kept her phone just a foot away upon the bed. Tonight she would not fall asleep until that call came through.

At a quarter past midnight, the brunette was shaken out of a light, dreamless slumber when the bed vibrated. Feeling absolutely dazed, she grabbed the phone and abruptly sprang up.

"Bonnie," she croaked as vertigo kicked in and her heart did many flip flops around like a fish. "Hi."

"Annalise," came the hoarse reply. A weak voice. "I'm…sorry."

"No, you have no reason to apologize. I have to apologize." The brunette cradled the phone between her shoulder and a wet cheek and retreated to the window seat. A light cold wind came in and caressed her face. "I shouldn't have disregarded you in any of this. Not telling you about this first. I screwed up."

"Okay," Bonnie sniffed.

Annalise swallowed hard. "Please tell me that you didn't drink a bottle of whiskey."

"I did," Bonnie croaked. "And I can't sleep now. I've just been lying here. Thinking about you. Where you are. If you're thinking of me."

"I have been thinking about you. A lot. Bonnie. I wish you were here. Maybe we could have both stopped each other from drinking too much. God knows you're the only person who prevents me from drowning in alcohol."

"Did you drink?" Came Bonnie's small voice.

Annalise smiled. Her chest swelled from becoming quite overwhelmed about the other woman's concern. "I didn't drink a drop. Kept hearing your voice demanding that I don't."

"That's good. You never tell me not to drink."

"That's because you hardly do," Annalise frowned. "And when you do choose to drown your sorrows with alcohol, it always ends in sex."

"How could you know that?" Bonnie sounded cornered.

However, Annalise smirked. "There's a lot about you that you haven't told me about and yet…I already know."

The blonde sighed on the other end. Perhaps she was contemplating what to say next. But then, evidently, the tornado dulled within her chest and relief brought on a sense of calm.

"Every time I take a drink, it's always because of you. That's how I knew that it was more than just a simple friendship thing. I constantly found myself tripping home after our fights. And then…I realized that it was a different kind of love I felt for you."

"The thought of that overwhelms me," Annalise tried. She was curled on her side like a comma. The night was still and silent. "Connor tried to counsel me tonight."

"About what?"

She smiled a little. "Us. He was upset that I left you. He wanted us to drive all the way back so that I could spend the night with you."

"It doesn't sound like a bad idea. He deserves the trophy," Bonnie said smiling as well.

"Then I'll give it to him. Compliments of you," Annalise laughed. "I thought about it. I really did. But then if I ended up spending the night with you, I wouldn't have wanted to leave."

Bonnie sighed. The sound quaked the older woman's heart.

"Soon," was all the brunette said softly.

"And what if the world ends tomorrow? Or Denver gets to me? Or you? Or he tampers enough with my car that it crashes. With me inside. And you lose me? How will we ever do the things we want to do?"

Suddenly, her eyes stung. The very thoughts. All of it was like scalding water beating her heart.

"I want us to kiss. I want to make love to you, Annalise. Over and over again."

Annalise couldn't breathe. But then, she fueled her fire into words. "You'll get the chance as soon as I get back. For as long as you want. And I'll make it up to you too."

Smiling into her pillow, Bonnie's chest heaved. "I can't wait," she said softly.

Annalise buried her face into the warm sheet and couldn't prevent her mind from rolling scenes of them twisting together in the dark.


End file.
